


Lonely

by Asynchronous



Category: Sanders Sides, Thomas Sanders
Genre: Existential Crisis, M/M, a sad patton, drowning metaphor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-19
Updated: 2018-01-19
Packaged: 2019-03-06 16:43:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13415394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Asynchronous/pseuds/Asynchronous
Summary: Sometimes, Patton is lonely. Sometimes, Roman helps.





	Lonely

**Author's Note:**

> This was my first genuine attempt at writing Patton so idc if anyone else likes it I'm proud of it okay okay

The air was pleasantly unpleasant. It was humid; Patton nearly felt like he was drowning in the humidity, but that was pretty much par the course for Florida, and it felt fitting, anyway. Every now and then, a creeping breeze would float by and give him a shuddering chill despite the 80 degree weather. It was perfect, absolutely perfect weather for sitting on the roof, gazing at the stars, and feeling sad.

“Lovely night, isn’t-”

“AAAAAAA!”

“AAAAAAA! Why are we screaming?” Roman teased.

Patton exhaled a heavy laugh. “Oh, Roman. You… STAR-tled me!”

Roman chuckled. “Well, you bounce back quick.” He clambered over to sit at Patton’s side.

For a while, they were silent, just staring at the night sky, allowing it to swallow them whole. But that wasn’t why Roman was there.

“I’ve always liked looking at the night sky,” Roman said, gently, like he was afraid speaking too boisterously might physically shatter the atmosphere surrounding them. “It’s… exciting. Invigorating. All of the possibilities out there, all of the things we haven’t seen, just waiting to be discovered. Not to sound too much like our resident Mechanical Pencil, but space is absolutely enchanting.”

Patton smiled softly, but otherwise didn’t move.

“But as beautiful as the night sky is,” Roman continued, “I get the feeling it’s not the reason you’re up here.”

Patton’s breath snagged on Roman’s words, and he swallowed thickly. “I guess not,” he muttered, avoiding Roman’s gaze.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Roman offered. 

It was a nudge, not a push, and Roman didn’t pursue the matter further when Patton went several minutes without speaking. But eventually, he did speak.

“Are you ever lonely?”

Roman’s brow furrowed, but more words quickly spilled from Patton’s mouth before Roman had a chance to respond.

“I mean - not like… It’s not that you or… or friends and family aren’t enough or anything, it’s more like… Like when you remember that nothing is permanent, and no matter how much you love someone or how much someone loves you, the only person who will be with you forever is yourself, and so then you kinda miss people even though they’re right in front of you because - because at the end of the day, no matter how close you are, you’re still separate, and even though people are there, if you think about it too hard and for too long, you realize that, in a way, you’re always alone. Like that kind of lonely.”

Roman simply stared for a moment, and Patton shifted uncomfortably. Maybe he shouldn’t have said anything. Maybe Roman didn’t understand. Maybe this feeling was just another layer of loneliness that only Patton could feel, and-

Before that train of thought could continue any further, he felt arms wrapped around him and a face buried in his shoulder.

Roman carefully shifted them so that Patton was in his lap, leaning against Roman like a chair. He kept one arm around Patton’s waist, and lifted the other to run through Patton’s hair. Resting his chin on Patton’s shoulder, Roman spoke quietly.

“Yeah. I know what you mean.”

Tears pricked at Patton’s eyes, but none fell. He felt too solemn to cry. Crying would disturb the silence, and he needed the silence.

“Patton?”

Patton hummed in response.

“I can’t promise to be with you forever, but I can promise to be with you as long as I can. Does that help?” Roman gave Patton’s waist a gentle squeeze, and Patton suspected it was just as much to comfort himself as it was to comfort Patton.

And honestly? It didn’t fix the feeling completely, but it did help, a little.

So he said so. “Yeah. Yeah, that helps.”

They stayed like that for longer than either of them bothered to count, until Roman felt Patton’s head start to droop sleepily. 

“Come on, my prince,” Roman whispered, jostling the other awake. “We can’t sleep up here. Let’s go to bed.”

They climbed back down to ground level, Roman going first to make sure the sleepier member of their duo didn’t fall. As soon as Patton reached the ground safely, with Roman guiding his descent, they laced fingers and made their way inside and into bed.

Patton wasn’t sure if that loneliness would ever go away completely. He was pretty sure he would always be worried about losing the ones he loved, even if it wasn’t usually at the forefront of his mind. But with Roman wrapped around him, heavy, warm, and real, it no longer felt quite so daunting. He was there now. And for now, that was all that mattered.


End file.
